When I was young, I was fond of saying “I’ll try almost anything once.” That’s a pretty bold and courageous statement, and it was usually true. I’ve got a very long list of things I’ve tried, and of course, some of them weren’t always the smartest choices. What these experiences taught me though was what not to repeat and what might be a better direction for me to go in. It also showed me fear could not – would not – run my life and that some of these experiences helped me to evolve and enrich life.
I consider myself lucky and unique in many ways. I am, for the most part, fearless. I think I’ve always had an adventurous spirit and I consider this a good thing. What I sometimes forget is that many other people do not look at or experience life through the lens of unfettered adventurism and exploration. Some people are born with more reluctance than others; it is their preprogrammed genetic code and karma.
What we are born with is our fight or flight instinct for survival. We are not born to have doubt, hate, judgment, or condemnation of other people or situations that are not like ours. Those beliefs are learned. We observe our parents, relatives, teachers, religious guides and others in a variety of situations that create these negative and distorted beliefs. They unconsciously program you to be separate from Source and withdraw from love by replacing it with insidious and underlying fear. They program you to limit who you are and often label others as “less than” in comparison to you (so that you can feel better about yourself). They keep you from seeking to be the best you can be and recognizing the best in others. The fact is underneath these feelings is the fear you might never be good enough.
The good news is because these beliefs and stories are learned, they can be unlearned. They are just stories your mind developed. They are beliefs that rarely serve a purpose and more commonly keep you from growing and evolving. You are born with the instinct to grow and change.
When you feel unhappy, doubt yourself, target others as the “problem,” believe you have no control or responsibility for what you feel, think or do, then my request is to stop telling yourself this story because it’s BS. It probably scares the crap out of you to think about changing these stories; you’ve likely had them for a very long time. I promise you that living with them creates more hurt, doubt, hate, judgment, and fear than debunking them.
I created my TAILOR system to teach people how to set and communicate clear and confident boundaries. It is also easily used to break the pattern of fear and begin to live a more loving and confident life. Here it is:
T: Identify the triggers that evoke your negative feelings.
A: Be aware of the situations that trigger them.
I: Own up to what is the real issue.
L: Develop new more empowered beliefs by using different language.
O: Identify the result or outcome you’d like to have instead of the negative or fearful one you have now.
R: Create a new response for yourself.
You can TAILOR your way to a new more empowered and courageous life!